Sunday, May 12, 2013

Strings by Kendall Grey

Book Description:
WARNING: STRINGS is not suitable for slut shamers, uptight stone throwers, Holier-Than-Thou prudes, humorless virgins, persons with chronic neck or back pain, pearl-clutching bitties, those who disparage crude humor or vulgarity in their many forms, closed-minded people with sticks up their asses, or anyone under the age of 18. The vile, base language and shocking, unholy sexual acts contained herein are not condoned by anyone with a lick of sense and should certainly not be reproduced without proper training and protection. The potty-mouthed and perpetually horny "heroine" (the term is used loosely) of this book does not resemble a normal, well-adjusted, or remotely believable person in any way, shape, or form. The author acknowledges that the characters in this book are shallow and two-dimensional; the plot is both ridiculous and insipid. She makes no apologies for any of it.

* Readers are strongly advised to wear latex gloves whilst reading to minimize contamination risks.

Free-spirited musician Letty Dillinger adheres to a strict, "no strings attached" policy when it comes to men. After a wild night of unabashed sex in a fancy hotel room, she never expects to see the adventurous stud she dubs "Shades" again. When her all-girl rock trio books a tour at the last minute as the opening act for their archenemies, Letty's shocked to discover she knows the competition's new lead singer. Intimately. Shades is no longer a one-night stand. Now he's the guy she has to one-up on stage every night for the sake of her career.

Sharing close quarters on a bus with her sexy nemesis and his bad-boy buddies puts Letty's Golden Rule to the test. On this tour, guitar strings aren't the only things being played. And when heartstrings are pulled too hard, they're bound to snap sooner or later.

Book Review:
Oh my goodness y'all...let me just say that this book is freakin' HILARIOUS!!!!!  I think this is by far the best book I've read this year.  It's a mix of sex, love, and rock'n roll.  What more could you want?  I would compare this book to my 2012 favorite funny book Wallbanger by Alice Clayton.  That book was sex and funny as well.

Anyway...back to Strings.  The Chapter titles alone are worth funny bone tickles...starting with "My Boyfriend Left Me for Jesus" and fun ones like "Shit, Meet Fan; Man Pasties and G-String Banana Hammocks; I'd Wear a Dick Hat on Stage; Womanballs in Bikinis; and Pissing Dudes and Rogue Ejaculators."  Now how could a book with those chapter titles not be fun?!  

As I've said in a previous post I'm not one that highlights and goes quote crazy in books.  This one had me laughing so hard I *had* to highlight the phrases, sentences, and paragraphs that made me laugh so hard I cried. I love the authors creative mind.  One could only wonder what a friendship with her would be like...I bet I would be in constant stitches. here's the deal with the story.  Letty Dillinger is a bass guitar player and singer in a trio girl band named Cherry Buzz Float.  In the beginning of the story she's celebrating her 25th birthday, solo, at a bar and picks up a random guy.  She calls him "Shades."  Now, Shades is an extremely attractive man who gets her nether regions excited just being near him.  She talks him into taking her to a hotel so she can have her way with him.  On the way they stop off an an adult toy store and while she's waiting for him to come back to the cab she keeps thinking about how hot he is and she can't wait to rip his clothes off.  "I don't know jack shit about men's perfume, but whatever he's wearing punches my hormones in the nuts and holds my impulse control for ransom."  "I spend the rest of the drive trying to convince my famished beaver that dinner is coming soon.  Patience, Gertrude, Patience.  Seriously, this bitch needs her own personal air conditioning unit.  Maybe an adult diaper."  (see freakin' hilarious...I was in tears!!!)

So they have their night of debauchery and Letty thinks she's in control but Shades has the last laugh.  She's lost to him.  Next morning she blows the hotel before he wakes.  One night and all that.  Fast forward to the evening.  Her band manager has set up a meeting with a  band called Killer Dixon, Cherry Buzz Float's nemesis band made up of three men, as they'll be touring together for the next three months.  The Cherry Buzz Float guitar player objects to the matching of the bands as she feels the Killer Dixon guitar player stole her song.  They eventually convince her by Letty saying "Now they've got a tour bus with space for us.  Maybe it's a blessing in disguise.  A new chapter in our band's history.  Would it really be so bad to ride their coattails to fame and then fart in their faces when we blow past them?  Hell, we could even light the farts."   

Boys walk in and the new boy band member is none other than Todd Armstrong aka Shades!  "Green eyes. He has beautiful green eyes.  The cooter engine revs.  Pretty sure she sprung an oil leak.  Down girl."  That's the kind of attraction they have the whole book.  I have a slew more quotes but you'll have to find some too!
I tell you...lots of sex, language, sexy quotes, steamy looks, lots of sex, lots of sexual experimentation, lots of sex, language, sexy quotes...and music.  Music is what brings them together and what will keep them together.  Such an awesome book.

Check this book out.  Kendall has said she has the book on sale this week for $0.99.  Check it out!  I bet you'll love it.  If not..well...nothing I can do about that.  I warned did Kendall!  LOL

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